Retro-X by crystyx

Tuesday, September 14, 2004
wish lists.

i want so many things that when i have the money to actually purchase my luxuries, i'll be at a loss.there's so many things i wanna get that my mind just shuts down when i'm out searching and will always recall when i'm back home. the boy and i will probably hop on over to jb next week. things are cheaper there anyway. Thursday, The Ghost?

retail therapy, here i come.

gist released @ 3:24 PM

xxx
Sunday, September 12, 2004
Forgive my hesitation but I'm learning to trust in you.

What do you see when you look at me? What sounds do you hear when I say your name? What thoughts go through your head when I share more of myself with you?If we could only see ourselves as others sees us...I've heard that time and time again and I've often wondered how others see me. I've discovered that you look at the world differently from most people that I've encountered. You have a unique perspective on the world around us. And I know that you see me differently from how others see me.Maybe there are those who would agree with you. But I often wonder if you see me through rose-coloured glasses.

And yet you say no. You say that it is I who sees myself through muddy glasses. Maybe there is some truth in that.During our time together, you've endured my mood swings and incessant questioning. You've shown me that I can be my own, unique person after all. I think I've always known that, maybe even desired that, but it was mostly you, I think, who brought it to the forefront, whose encouragement has helped more of the "me" within to emerge.But I know I've let you down. You know that I am able to hurt myself physically. You know how I'm prone to walking away, literally and emotionally. I dwell on my imperfections and yours; I give in to my negative moods.There was a time when I wondered if you stayed with me still because you had made a promise to me. It was - it is! - important to you that you kept your promise and so you stayed even though you realised after a while that I was the wrong girl for you, that you had made a mistake.

Yes, I can be silly. Very silly, as a matter of fact, but I had to ask. I know you're still here because you love me in spite of it all. You made a commitment to me, you chose me for your girlfriend. Even when I turn away from you, you still love me. You don't base it all on warm, fuzzy feelings. And because you've honoured your commitment, the warm feelings of love have remained with you. You are a lucky guy. And I'm a lucky girl for having found someone like you. Or maybe I should say that I'm lucky that you found me. Or maybe luck had nothing to do with it.I cry so much and so easily. And you know that about me as well. And there are times when tears must fall. Whether it is out of sadness, depression or even anger, the tears fall easily. But I also cry when I realise deep down how very much you love me and care about me. The word "love" has been so misused and abused. You have taught me to love all over again.

gist released @ 9:43 PM

xxx